Carl Jung said "We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses."
I heard somewhere and often repeat "You can't love and judge at the same time"
I regularly deal with family members who are having a hard time forgiving the person in their family who is suffering from the disease of addiction. Many people still often treat there loved one with a substance problem as if they were "bad" and need punishment. This often is a reaction to the hurt they have felt during the period of substance use, sometimes it is from embarrassment, sometimes it comes from ego. What ever the source it generally gets in the way the the family's recovery. Often it is the parent or spouse who was not drinking or using that slows down the recovery process by continuing to bring up the past.
This is why it is so important that everyone in the family get help, there are lots of counselors very well trained to deal with these issues and there are 12 step programs specifically for family members. This isn't a problem that we can fix on our own nor is it one the only the person with the drug or alcohol problem can fix for everyone else. We all have to work together.
Like Jung says "We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses."
